Today we’re going to teach you how to play a brand new video game on a very old PC. Step one involves a garbage can, and step two is to spend several hundred dollars. That’s all the hints we’re going to give you. We’ll also tell you what to steal if you want to be the lamest guy in your cell block, and which country you should go to if you want to drink far more beer than is healthy. We’re full of bad information today.

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