People are apparently having phone trouble all across the country.  Like every time cell phones don’t work – which is frequently – it has us pining for the good old days of land lines.  It also has us pining for a time when we didn’t suspect the true cause of our phone woes as an invisible electromagnetic attack from across the globe.  Hey, it’s possible.  We’re very important people, and Putin knows this.  That’s why he’s making it so we can’t order pizza.  Take away a man’s pizza and you take away his will to fight.  Although I guess we could just use the app.

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